7 types of commenters on my latest satirical post

Yesterday, I posted this “satirical” photo on my page to voice a message through a joke about some kids nowadays who can’t express themselves in Arabic language as their parents only communicate with them in French and/or English.

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The post was bombarded with comments that were hilarious, to say the least. And here are the 7 types of comments and commenters I have received.

1.The believers.

If you have never visited the page before, consider yourself forgiven (to some extent). But if you have, may God be with you.

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2. The Sherlock Holmes who revealed it was photoshopped

First of all, thanks guys. The photo was edited on a mobile app and not on photoshop. Thinking it’s photoshop is an honor.

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3. The advanced Sherlock Holmes.

Using google photos and shit.

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4. The supporters of the beating mom.

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5. The women’s rights activists.

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6. The one who thinks I’m the CNN.

For God’s sake, my name is Mawtoura and I have a cartoon logo!

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7. The people who actually get it. (Thanks)

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9 reasons why Tripoli has more potential than Beirut

I am sure many of you are wondering why am I publishing such a post on Mawtoura. I’m angry! I have always been angry witnessing such a great city with great potentials getting dismantled, for years, by its own politicians who happen to be one of the richest men on the planet.

I am not from there but I live close by, and this city had always held a special place in my heart. With the right people in charge, which could happen tomorrow in the municipal elections, the city can restore its potentials and place it back on the tourism map locally and internationally, and here’s why:

1. You can walk end to end.

Tripoli is small, flat and the majority of the streets run parallel to each other, so you can practically park you car and walk the entire city. You can also use a cab which is very cheap. Isn’t this what we do when we travel?

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2. While walking, you can enjoy its wide variety of authentic food.

Whether you like salty or sweet, Tripoli offers a wide range of authentic food in its restaurants or street carts. You cannot simply miss them!

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3. Old Souks just like the ones you are astonished with when you are abroad.

Yes people, Tripoli has the largest old souks in Lebanon.

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4. Turkish bath houses / Hammams

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5. An international exhibition center.

Triploli is the house of “Rashid Karame International exhibition center”, one of the five biggest centers in the world in terms of dimensions and variety of constructions”. This center, if handled right, could bring fortunes to this poor city.

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6. Traditional mosques and churches.

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7. A huge citadel

Built in 1308, the citadel de Raymond de Saint-Gilles overlooks the entire city and have a breathtaking view.

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8. Beaches and islands.

Apart from the different beaches and resorts, Tripoli has few islands that you can actually go to and enjoy your day. The Rabbit island, one of the most famous ones, has crystal clear water and sand beaches, and you can enjoy a wide variety of water sports and activities.

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9. It’s cheap!

You can literally have breakfast, lunch and dinner, smoke shisha, and go to the beach for under 30,000 LL.

photos courtesy of www.lebanonuntravelled.com

12 signs you are gracefully over 30 in Lebanon

1- You accepted the fact that “Remi Bandali” is a fully grown woman now.

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2- You can recognize those two cuties.

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3- You still call Fadi Ibrahim “Nader Sabbagh”

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4- Your Facebook timeline is basically a list of your friends’ baby pictures.

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5- You spend half the time in the movie theater saying ‘Shhhh’ to the annoying teens behind you.

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6- Watching “The voice kids” instead of going out on a Saturday night sounds like a good plan.

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7- But in case you decide to hit any of the bars in Hamra, you probably wish you have a remote control to lower volume of the music. It’s just noise anyways.

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8- That’s why, you upgraded yourself from Mar Mkhayel to Badaro.

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9- Yet, your stomach doesn’t handle dinner, drinks and garlic at “Barbar” afterwards, anymore.

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10- You buy VIP tickets for Armin Van Buuren’s concert in BIEL because they’re seated. Wait, Armin ba3do derij?

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11- Your bed time prayer is no longer for your crush to text you back ,but rather for the traffic from Jounieh to Dora to be bearable the next morning.

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12- You are able to differentiate between Madona and Aida Abu Jaoude. Congrats!

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10 annoying habits our moms have but we absolutely love.

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my mother”, Abraham Lincoln.  Happy Mother’s day!

1- Hoovers on Saturday at 8:00 AM.

Whether she’s a working mom or stay-at-home mom, saturday morning seems like the perfect time for her to vacuum the carpets of your room, and it has to be at 8 AM.

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2- “Airing” the house every morning, even in winter.

“Brace yourselves, winter is coming” isn’t just an expression from Games of Thrones. It’s an experience we have to endure every morning when we wake up and we find all doors and windows of the house open just because the house needs “tehweyé”.

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3- Threatening us to get good grades.

It’s like she collects our grades and sells them in the black market or exchanges them for gold. I never understood why getting 20/20 is so important for her and getting 16/20 is such a failure.

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4- We are all “Managers” in front of her neighbors.

You could still be a freshmen student who just got his first student job as an office boy, but your mom is telling her neighbors you’re the vice president of the university. Cute!

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5- Tagging old photos of you on Facebook.

If you have your mom on Facebook, you know what I am talking about. She takes blurry photos of her old paper albums, uploads them and tags you! Hooray!

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6-Asking us if we need money even when we’re 40 and married.

That’s not actually annoying at all. I love this.

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7-Thinking we’re abducted by ISIS if we don’t answer the phone.

If she calls you and you don’t answer within the first 30 seconds, it’s either you’re dead or abducted by a terrorist group. Expect another 10 calls and 5 whatsapp messages.

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8- Accusing you of speeding when you’re going 10 km/hr

If you ever had your mom next to you while driving, you’re probably saying “ugh” right now. I could be literally going 10 Km/hour, stuck in traffic, and she still thinks I’m speeding. Not to mention the “Sheel el telephone min eedak!”

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9- Watching cooking shows but never applying them.

Whether she’s watching chef Antoine, chef Ramzi, Teta latife, or even that molecular gastronomy cooking shit on MTV in the morning, you’re eating Mjadra and kebbé for lunch.

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10-Organizing/hiding your stuff and forgets their place.

How many USBs have you lost because your mom “organized” your drawers? The funny part is that when you face her, she’s like “Wasn’t me!”.

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I love you mom! Happy Mother’s day!

10 Lebanese you need to block on Facebook

1- The forever-bride.

She got married in 2006 but she still posts weekly photos from her wedding and cocktail party, either laying on the grass with her gigantic dress or flying on “you raise me up” during her first dance. Block.

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2- The “loving” couple.

Ok, they might not be posting photos from their wedding, but they share their love with the public.  People hiding behind statuses like “Martouti habibti” and “best husband everrrr” need to be blocked.

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3- The priest/sheikh

Their timeline is basically an album for virgin Mary photos, religious quotes from the Quran, or prayers with a request to comment “sub7an Allah” or something bad will happen to you. Nope.

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4- The philosopher.

His statuses are at least 1500 words. You need to keep clicking on “show more” to read the entire thing which is basically ranting about every single matter in the society. Block.

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5- The athlete.

We get it. He goes to the gym every single day, and he has 12-pack abs. He always lifts his shirt when he’s taking a gym selfie with hashtags like #WorkHard and #NoPainNoGain. Honey, we all know you’re taking steroids. Block.

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6-The drama queen

When all your statuses are half-sentences like “Ya rab”, “ufft”, “pray for me”, kindly note that you’re a big attention whore, seeking comments and likes, and you need to be blocked ASAP. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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7- The “quote” center

These users insert quotes on any damn photo they upload. Expect to find a quote on a regular bedroom selfie that goes like “In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.” or another one on a tree pic that says “Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough“. Why?

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8- The “500 same photo with the same people from the same event last night” girl.

Need to say more? Block.

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9-The whorefie (selfie whore)

Their day starts with a selfie in the car driving to work, another while they’re stuck in traffic, followed by another one bored at work, followed by a TGIF selfie and another one at the pub few hours later. Have you ever heard about Snapchat? Go there please.

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10- Immak.

Block her w bala waja3 ras.

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I’m sure I missed a few  categories. Let us know which ones to add them!

P.S. This post is the Lebanese version of an Egyptian post posted a while ago.

5 Lebanese political shows with misleading names

1- Nharkom Sa3id.

After watching politicians puke nonsense at 10 AM, our day won’t be happy for sure.
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2- Al ousbou3 fi Sa3a

Apart from the fact he’s trying to be Marcel, the show is actually 2 hours.
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3- Bila 7asana

Oh really?
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4- Bimawdouwiya

Also.. Really?
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5- Kalam el Nas

Why would the show be called Kalam el nas when “El nas” are not allowed to attend, call or even “talk”. Instead only politicians and VIP leaders are allowed to be on the show.
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Thank you Michel for the idea.